The House of Cats & Doggerels

Billy the Ball

2007-10-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Billy the Ball

There once was a ball who was equally wide
From his top to his bottom, from his side to his side.
He was rounded all over, as round as a pie,
And he got where he was when he fell from the sky.
This ball had a face, which you may think is quite silly,
And this ball had a name, and the ball’s name was Billy.

And this Billy the Ball lived up high on a hill
Where the trees touched the sky and the weather was chill.
There was no one else up there on Billy Ball’s peak,
Or between him at the top, at the bottom a creek.
From the top to the bottom, there was slope, thinly treed
With occasional rocks and occasional weed.

It was lonely up there for poor Billy the Ball
He had no one to play with him, no one at all.
Way below in the valley were houses and sun,
He was sure if he lived there he would have lots of fun,
With people to talk to and children to play,
He dreamed of a new life down there every day.

With his face he’d a shirt and some bright painted trousers,
He gazed down from on high at the far distant houses.
There was one that he saw with a dog and a boy
And he thought that to be there would be his true joy
But he couldn’t go anywhere, such was his luck,
For between two great rocks was he terribly stuck.

Then one night came a storm and it howled and it wailed
It snowed and it blew and it rained and it hailed.
Poor Billy was stuck in it, all through the night
And when morning arrived, what a terrible sight
Met his eyes as he saw that the trees were all down
From the top of his hill to the edge of the town.

And soon Billy noticed that something had changed
In the way he was sitting, he was now rearranged
For the rocks he was stuck on had shifted a lot
In the wind that had blown, he found he was not
Quite as stuck any more in his high rocky groove,
As the wind blew again, why, he started to move!

He shivered a little for the wind was quite cold,
And he found as he shivered he rocked and he rolled.
Then a mighty great gust came from under the Ball,
Billy wobbled a little then started to fall
Off the rocks he’d been stuck on since goodness knows when,
And he bounced on the ground and he bounced once again.

He bounced off and over the rocks and the trees
Heading downhill unstoppably, as fast as you please
He bounced on his bottom, he bounced on his belly
And could he stop bouncing? No, not on your nelly.
Though he tried to keep calm he just couldn’t keep still
He just carried on bouncing and bouncing until,

With an almighty SPLASH!!! he bounced into the creek
And that’s where he floated for almost a week.
He just drifted along and he didn’t know where
He was going to end up and nor did he care,
He was just mighty pleased to be all in one piece
From his bounce down the hill and his happy release.

When his drifting had stopped he was under a log
Until he was found by a curious dog
And the dog had a boy and the boy gave a shout
When he saw Billy Ball and he soon fished him out.
Though his paintwork was smudged and his face was all battered
When that boy took him home, well, then nothing else mattered.

He lives in a garden now, not on a hill
And the sun is all warm and it gives him a thrill
That there’s someone who loves him and loves him a lot
No matter how battered and tattered he’s got.
Though he’s punctured and chewed, in a terrible state,
He’s the dog’s favourite toy and his new life is great.

A Cautionary tale of Obedience

2007-06-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

(Or, the monster that lives within each parent)

Little boys who do not do
The things that they are told to do,
(And this applies to girls as well)
May one day hear their parents yell
Until their eyes pop out of their heads
Their faces change from pinks to reds
Their clenching fingers turn to claws
Saliva dripping from their jaws.
And little girls and little boys
Will vanish with a gulping noise
Their bones will crunch as they are swallowed.
If they had only heard and followed
What all their parents always said
They’d still be here, not eaten, dead.

So in order to grow up and old,
Remember: Do as you are told.
For if you don’t a nasty fate
Will happen and you might be ate.

Oo's making a noise?

2007-06-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

Oh deary me, what a hullaballoo

The beasts are making down at the zoo.

It was started up by the kangaroo

Who was playing around with his didgeridoo.

It woke the koala, who joined in, too,

As did the orang-utan and the gnu,

The elephant, tiger and caribou,

And we mustn’t forget the kinkajou,

Nor the parrot, of course, and the cockatoo;

Altogether at once, a cacophonous crew.

‘Twas a terrible din, ‘tis strange but true,

The beasts were making there, down at the zoo.

Meanwhile, at home, asleep, was Hugh,

The owner and manager of the zoo,

When the telephone rang, “Oh, what can we do?”

Cried the voice on the line, it was Mary-Lou,

Who lived at number 42

In the road that ran beside the zoo.

What a way to be woken, at half past 2

In the morning, a phone call from out of the blue.

But Hugh heard what she said, and then he knew.

When he heard it was most of them not just a few,

He jumped into his car and drove down to the zoo,

For he knew what it was that he needed to do.

He arrived at the gates and his certainty grew

As he leapt from his car and he shouted out, “Boo!”

“Yes, you animals, there, I’m talking to you,”

“Enough is enough, just STOP!”

And the beasts were so surprised,

That they did.